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Posts Tagged ‘gifs’

Yo.

So, I’m beginning to clue in on the fact that I am a truly horrible person. Considering how horrible I am, the things I say suddenly sound so sanctimonious! And it’s good that I’m not going anywhere fast, because I’m a horrible, horrible person.

Or at least a mega bitch when it comes to relationships.

I’ve never had one, really, right? But I was certain I never wanted to be in one. Only people are always saying ‘try something new’ or ‘you don’t know until you try’, so I felt like I couldn’t really say I’d hate that if I never tried it (even though I was sure I wouldn’t like it, the very idea was discomforting). And I knew that one of my friends had always kinda liked me. And I saw it as possible – I really want to stress that I genuinely wanted to try because I liked him, and not just because it was a viable option! So I asked him and he said yes and I really, really tried to be comfortable with it. I kept reminding myself that of course it’d be awkward in the beginning, or because we were friends first, or something… but nothing is changing and in fact I’m just feeling worse. People keep asking if I like him like I’m meant to, and I say I don’t know – but I do know, and I don’t see him that way. It’s like this was all on a whim. But it wasn’t, exactly. But still.

And it sucks because we’re really good friends and he’s such a nice guy. If I wanted a relationship, I couldn’t do any better, I swear! And that’s why it’s so terrible, because I feel like I’m using him, kind of. I don’t want this to drag on, it’s just cruel and uncomfortable for me anyway. I don’t want him to become too invested, and he’s had dinner here and Valentine’s Day is coming up so it would be awful to let this drag on until then because obviously he’d feel obligated to get me something, right? And it’d be wrong to let him do that knowing how I really feel.

But I’m a bitch because I’m the one who asked him out and I’m the one who invited him over for dinner and I’m the one who keeps organising everything and I don’t know how to tell him it isn’t going to work out, I just don’t feel anything! It’s not even the first time I’ve done something like this, because we went out before in year nine, but then I felt I wasn’t ready and I was too scared to end it face to face so I wrote him a freaking note and how sucky is that? I can’t believe he stayed friends with me after that! And before that, I know he and another friend (one of his friends too) both liked me at the same time and I actually had to consider which one to choose, which seems really terrible, and really I’m just a horrible person and a mega relationship bitch, aren’t I?

So the thing is, I have to end it because the longer it goes on, the worse it will be when it inevitably ends, and really why stay locked in something I know isn’t going to last because I can’t reciprocate, right? But I started this and I do like him, we’re friends, so really I was just an ass about this whole thing. What do I do? I can’t let it continue, I have to end it.

Additionally, he lives out of town, and it’s hard to just casually meet up. Which means I would actually have to organise a meeting just to tell him it’s over, and it’s really tricky organising anything because he lives out of town and works often.

I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do now. Suffer? Obviously, I’ve brought it on myself. But I’m going to hurt him in the process, which is ultimately the worst bit. I’m really bad at coming up with the right words in the moment too, everything comes out perfectly when I write, but when I’m faced with someone and I’m speaking to them, I’m not nearly so clear and I really need him to understand for selfish, stupid reasons.

I. Am. A horrible. Person.

Yes, I know. Why are you telling me? This post is full of self-hate.

I really just want it over. I think I’m ready to dig myself out of my hole, and the first thing I need to do is deal with all the mistakes I’ve been making lately, and put them behind me. Like, way behind me. I guess, it seems cruel to say (what else is new?) but if he doesn’t want to be friends anymore, I’m willing to let him be. Because really, we’re both going totally different directions anyway, and we mostly keep in touch over Facebook, so it wouldn’t be all that different. I think, with him going to uni and me making this decision to do something with drama, well it’s time to stop lying about how we feel and stuff. This isn’t going anywhere, I hope we both know that. It’ll make it easier. I want to stay friends with him, however distant, but if he wants to stop talking, that’s okay too and I deserve it, understand it and respect it.

But first of all I need to do it. Which is hard because I’m so clear about it in my head, I keep forgetting I haven’t dealt with the situation. I also need to apply for a place in this short 4 week course in Sydney before it’s too late. I need to stop clearing things up only in my head, it isn’t helping reality. Reality is harder, much, much harder, and it hurts and all, but I’m getting this feeling that if I can make my dreams reality, well, the reality of my dreams will feel a thousand times better than I can ever imagine. Because good things are real too.

All this said, please, please, anyone who reads this; help me work out how to do it. What to say, at least roughly, and how to arrange a meeting. I can’t just say it to him if I see him at work, can I? I have to sit down and talk – and God forbid I start out with ‘we need to talk’ because I’ve got a gut feeling I’ll accidentally say that or something along those lines… – but I have to talk with him in a not-so-formal setting. I can’t arrange a ‘date’ only to break it off, it seems a lot worse. So, what should I do, exactly?

Am I just confusing you?

… Sorry.

Self-loathingly,
Lexiconish.

Mood: Piteous
Music: Smooth Criminal – Glee Cast
Book: … I have no motivation to read…

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Hai guys! What’s up? It’s been a while, mostly because I discovered Tumblr. It’s more of a picture blog, but GIFS, so what can you do?

Actually, that’s only part of the reason. Mostly it’s because I have become thoroughly obsessed with Glee. It’s crazy. But cool. Look, it’s Kurt Hummel, the best character on the whole show:

And honestly, I think that his character is TOO MUCH AWESOME to handle sometimes… and the actor? Chris Colfer? He should be arrested for being too god damn adorable. Plus… SAI KNIVES. That’s the only reason I was able to choose this image. I have more gifs for Glee than any other show ever. So many gifs, most of Kurt/Chris and I love them all, and all will someday be of use to me I’m sure.

Here’s Blaine Anderson. He’s the next best character.

And together, they are my OTP:

Finn’s also awesome. And Puck. And Rachel – yeah, I like her, though she’s annoying. And Mike and Tina and Artie and Quinn and Brittany and Santana and Sam and Sunshine (haha) and Matt and Mr Schuester and Emma and Sue and Becky and Jean and and and and and and and… but not Sebastian. He’s just a whore. I’m sure the actor, Grant Gustin, is a perfectly nice person, and that is why I always feel bad when I see a picture of him and my go-to reaction is:

Just because he plays Sebastian. Who is an asshole. I don’t think it’s healthy to hate a fictional being so much.

Other than all my Gleeking out, and there has been a lot of that, I assure you… not much is happening. I finished school and Christmas is over and everyone I know is going to uni now and moving away so… I’m kind of treading water right now. I’ll tell you what I really want to do though I don’t know if I should: I want to act. I’m considering this course, a short one for now, and I’ve joined the local musical society – it’s all we’ve got, theatre wise, and we’re doing Jekyll and Hyde.

Some people I tell react like this:

Most of them are friends. Other people react like this:

 or

Which makes me react like this:

or

And in general I’m switching from:

 and

to

 and

Because I’m thinking… ‘What are you, crazy? No, no, you can do it, it happens. But not to you, moron! Why not to me? Talent, you need talent! I’m talented, maybe? No, not really. But I could be. Um, no ARGH.’ Because I want to act like:

or

But I know it’ll be more like

and

So… yeah, that’s basically it. I’m SO sorry for the overload of Glee-gifs… but uhhh… I love Glee and I love gifs, and truth is, I’m not actually that sorry 🙂 But as an apology, have a few random gifs… Supernatural… and… random ones:


This one is how you guys are feeling.


Or maybe you feel like this one…


This one is just… because.

And this one… guys, I just like using gifs and I have a lot. So now… that, that’s me… and he, he is you.

Bye now!

Mood: Probably over-tired.
Music: Halo/Walking on Sunshine – Glee Cast
Reading: … Glee fan fiction ^^ (Not even ashamed. Some of it is CrissColfer too. I love that stuff too. No shame.)

Unashamedly,
Lexiconish.

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So I haven’t had the opportunity to read anything new yet, unfortunately. I’ve been suffering a bad cold and my exams were on but now that they’re over I’ve a little time on my hands again.

We’re finally studying Pompeii and Herculaneum! I’ve been looking forward to this for a long time now. We haven’t really done much yet though, sadly. Mostly I’ve been re-watching old animes… the fact I haven’t seen them in a while actually made it all ‘new’ again.

Spoilers ahoy! I will be reviewing as if I have never seen the rest of the series, so I will pretend to have no knowledge of later episodes. For lack of anything else to review, I’m going to begin by reviewing the very first episode of the anime Code Geass. This is a show about terrorism, war, heroes, and whether the means is more important than the end. It also has copious amounts of pizza, bizarre festivals and cats. So let’s proceed.

Episode one of Code Geass (and the dubbed version is quite faithful to the subbed version, so it matters not which you watch) opens with a lovely little back story provided by a disembodied female voice overlaying some brief shots of what the Britannian invasion on Japan was like. This is all exceptionally important; if you skip it you’ll be pretty confused later on. I do love that the show’s creators feel no need to explain what ‘Britannia’ is or what happened to cause the current timeline we’re following in-series. There’s no really natural way of telling the audience when everyone in that world would of course be quite aware of why things are as they are.

Companion booklets to the DVDs do provide history for the world, but that’s ‘in the handbook’ and not really necessary to enjoy the series.

We are immediately shown a world controlled by a dictating empire where discrimination is rampant. Two boys (who I assume are our main characters) sit in a barren area exposed early in their lives to an apparently horrific experience and we are given the driving force behind the main character’s actions.

* “I swear, Suzaku… I swear I will one day obliterate Britannia!”

Strong words from a ten-year-old. Clearly this is not intended for a young audience! This brings us to the opening credits, which like with every anime tells very, very little about the series upon first viewing.

What is clear is that the first episode is arranged more or less to establish what we’re in for; there is no beating about the bush! I cannot think of many animes which launches right into the massacre of the elderly and the young.

Let me explain; you can be forgiven for being emotionally traumatised by this series opening. It’s not pretty. Lelouch, our main character, goes gambling – chess? Really? – and is unfortunately caught up in a terrorist affair. ‘Elevens’ – Japanese, to you and me – are rebelling in small ways and have, apparently, stolen poisonous gas. Poor Lelouch goes down to help out when the truck crashes and tumbles inside the vehicle when it takes off. Terrorists really don’t wait around regardless of injury.

Meanwhile Rivalz (Lelouch’s pal) sees the truck drive away (having watched Lelouch go down to investigate) and then moves away wondering where Lelouch went, completely unconcerned for his apparent BEST FRIEND. Can I just say… WTF?

Anyway… so Lelouch is being dragged off in a terrorist vehicle with poisonous gas and is being shot at. He knows where he is exactly because he recognises little things (terrain, darkness, WHAT?) And when one of the terrorists, a young red-haired woman, dumps her jacket near him – AHA! Communicator! This turns out to be very important too, but it’s a blink and you’ll miss it thing so pay attention.

Oh by the way, there’s a character who appears briefly who I can already tell I’m going to love; a scientist by the name of Lloyd. Why do I love him?

* “Ahaaaa!”
* “W-what are you doing?”
* “Looking at a man who blundered, am I correct?”

This, as well as his pose and his voice. I love this man. I don’t know what his purpose is yet but I like him.

The truck crashes again (rubbish driver) underground and instead of being smart and trying to escape Lelouch hangs out a bit. Britannian Lackey #253 now signals his commanders and goes to investigate with what I must say was an incredible spinning kick. This obviously signifies that BL #253 is not just any lackey. He’s a main character! Lelouch goes down and I was like… Oh no he didn’t just do that to a helpless citizen! He is going in my Bad Book!

But then whoa! Hold it! Because #253 recognises Lelouch from his words; obliterate Britannia, am I sensing a catchphrase here? And behold it is Suzaku, the kid from the beginning who Lelouch apparently hasn’t seen for seven years. Happy reunion time!

This reunion is cut short though because POISONOUS GAS OMG WHAT IS HAPPENING? Ahhh it’s the standard pretty girl (she has green hair, what?) making her appearance. Being men Lelouch and Suzaku promptly begin to strip her of her straight jacket. I don’t suppose it occured to them that there might be a reason she was wearing a straight jacket? Anyway, then Suzaku’s superiors arrive (Suzaku’s Japanese working for Britannia and Lelouch is Britannian and wants to destroy it – ooooh conflict!) and order Suzaku to kill Lelouch. Suzaku says no and then WHOA THEY KILLED HIM! I thought… that’s a kind of abrupt ending to that guy I was just starting to like…

Now they’re going to kill Lelouch! Lelouch and girl escape and hide and the Britannians come after them and a baby cried… Followed by gun fire. No more crying. My heart is breaking; this is insane. I think this is going to be very emotional… But then Lelouch’s phone rings! Here we get a little contrast with Lelouch’s schoolfriend getting annoyed about him hanging up on her whilst the sound gave Lelouch away and now he’s in big trouble. They know he’s just a student, oh my  God I think I hate Britannia and oh crap the random girl just protected him and took the bullet and…!

In short the last five minutes of episode one are action-action-action! The girl, supposedly dead, grabs Lelouch’s arm (I’m confused) and then somehow she gives him special power which he automatically knows how to use. Wimpy Lelouch becomes Confident Lelouch and a red bird flies out of his eye (… what now.) as he commands all of the little troupe to die… whereupon they WHAT commit suicide! Also, they called him Your Highness. So… Lelouch vi Britannia, eh?

The Geass: (red bird)

Lelouch now treats us to a delightfully evil smirk which lets us know EXACTLY what we’re in for…

Meekly,
Lexiconish.

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